I just need to get it off my chest once in a while...
Imagine yourself in an uncomplicated, but rather uncomfortable situation. Lets say you're in your early thirties, and married for more than 4 years. So, it's Hari Raya and you go beraya to relatives. What's the most frequent asked question that you hear??
"Alum ko beanak?" *Siiiiiiiggghhhhh*
My life is not complicated. Our lives go smoothly as it is. I take each day one at a time. Yet that uncomfortable spot find its way to get us. When it comes to visiting relatives, I dread for such question. I would stumble on my words upon replying. It's embarassing...
Rezeki... Semuanya ada pada Tuhan. As a muslim, we believe that rezeki inda semestinya wang ringgit, harta benda atau kehidupan yang mewah. Tapi boleh jua berupa zuriat. Yes, that's true. In regards to our rezeki...who am I to question my rezeki. Seolah-olah inda bersyukur pada apa yang telah dilimpahkan oleh Allah selama ani. Rezeki yang telah dikurniakan pada kitani berbeza dan inda semestinya sama dengan orang lain.
For me, mungkin rezeki zuriat kami belum sampai. Mungkin jua ada dalam masa yang terdekat ani, insya-Allah. (Amiin, mudahan jua). Aku yakin Allah menentukan rezeki kami pada hal-hal yang lain buat masa sekarang. Alhamdulillah... Suami melanjutkan pelajaran, kami cukup bersyukur.
Sesungguhnya Tuhan telah menetapkan dan menyusun perjalanan hidup kami. I believe that buat masa ani kami diberi peluang untuk mencapaikan hajat masing-masing.
Masalah atau musibah yang dihadapi oleh seseorang itu tandanya Allah menguji kesabaran dan ketabahannya. Semakin sabar dan tabah seseorang itu, semakin sayanglah Allah padanya.
That's exactly what I tell myself everytime I feel down. Walau bagaimana besar masalah yang menimpa diri kitani, sememangnya ada lagi orang yang lebih susah ditimpa masalah berbanding kitani.
Do we feel lonely? Yes, of course we do. Do I ever think about adoption? A couple of times, yes. Somehow, I dare not to ask around. I don't want people to think that we are desperate. To think that I'm egoistic, that would be shallow. All I can say is if the opportunity or offer comes one day, I certainly would not hesitate to say 'yes'. It would certainly be beyond my imagination.
Redha, berusaha, tawakkal, berserah saja pada Allah. That's all I can do for now.... I try as much as possible not to worry too much over it. But I'm a woman, and I guess it's human nature for us to worry and often question ourselves.
The future is the whole deal for me. I'm in my thirties already... only time can tell. Forty may be a long journey ahead, but I don't think so. Time flies...and I'm still waiting....
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